SS ’13 Menswear: Birds/Blooms

Posted in ART, Soul-Crushing Materialism, Stylez with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 9, 2013 by effingjro


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I know what you’re thinking: “Florals? For spring. Groundbreaking.” And you’ve got me there. But there’s a damn good reason this happens every year. We’re suffering from color anemia. You can’t live off navy peacoats and heathered gray everything indefinitely. Even if it’s still snowing out, any of the items above will put you in a warm-weather mentality at half the cost of a trip to the Caribbean. Here are three quick favorites…

1. Profound Aesthetic 5-Panel Cap

Do not be distracted by the model (or do, briefly). Profound Aesthetic has a lot of great stuff in their newest lookbook, but this cap is doubly covetable for the 5-panel construction and suede flat brim.

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2. AMI Bird Print Cotton Twill Shorts

Alexandre Mattiussi’s menswear line is French nonchalance made manifest. Proof that you can wear a bird print without looking like a peacock.

3. SUPREME x Vans Rose Print Sneaks

High Snobiety tipped me off to this collab, available in stores yesterday (you know what, they’re probably already sold out). Based off the album art for New Order’s 1983 Power, Corruption & Lies, they also look like any Baroque floral rendering, ever.

And speaking of Baroque: did you know Sofia Coppola (in her enduring wisdom) used New Order’s single ‘Age of Consent’ in Marie Antoinette? In wig choice alone, that woman owned the birds/blooms motif, so I think we’ve come full circle today, friends.

Deep Cuts: Christina Aguilera

Posted in Hotties, Muzak, Pop with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2013 by effingjro

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It has been ten months since I touched this thing (the blog, not Xtina), so I want to take it easy starting out. ‘Easy’ in this case being a short sampling of my favorite songs by Legendtina Goduilera [moniker credit goes to the inimitable MuuMuse]. Has she fallen on hard times? Sure. Taking a page from Madonna’s book, she’s  recast her image for each album—from pop vixen to Latina to ‘sexually liberated’ to Old Hollywood to sexually liberated (+kink) to…

… Times is tough for Xtina. All the more reason to highlight some of her finest little-known tracks. If you have an aversion to euphoria-inducing vocal runs, do NOT proceed Read more »

Slashbacks\\ The Chernobyl Diaries\\

Posted in Abandoned Buildings, Films with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 24, 2012 by effingjro

Thanks to some night-vision glow and time-lapse photography, Oren Peli’s sleeper hit Paranormal Activity made it pretty much impossible to sleep in your own bed. He’s since produced several sequels, as well as the ABC eco-horror-fantasia The River, but Peli’s latest movie ditches the found-footage formula and tackles something with a bit more scope – the Ukrainian ghost town of Pripyat, evacuated in days following the 1986 Chernobyl disaster.

The movie features a predictable cast of good-looking twentysomethings, including sometimes pop singer Jesse McCartney, he of the eternal babyface. The group is on the requisite post-collegiate European backpack journey, and when enterprising Paul proposes they skip Moscow and head to the Heart of Irradiated Darkness (Pripyat), it’s easy to sell them on a day of “extreme tourism.” See the trailer below:

True to the Peli gamebook, the trailer plays coy, but you can guess what these kids are up against. Mutants. Soviet mutants. In tone and subject matter, The Chernobyl Diaries recalls two predecessors that riff off Atomic Age anxieties and the perils of trailblazing tourism: Wes Craven’s 1977 The Hills Have Eyes (for added nuclear-testing rhetoric, see the 2006 remake) and Eli Roth’s 2005 Hostel

Craven’s dusty survivalist film strands an overconfident family in a New Mexico wasteland after Papa Carter takes a “short cut” on the way to California. Sure of their resources (they have a CB radio, and look how helpful that was in The Shining!) the Carters proceed to make every possible mistake and are slowly picked off by a predatory clan of inbreeds. The remake exposes the radiation poisoning that’s made the hill creeps so vicious (and ugly) – garnering sympathy for the mutants and condemning the Cold War ethos that would prompt scientists to sacrifice an entire town for nuclear testing. When protagonist Doug creeps through the derelict village, shots of mannequin children and tattered American flags tap the same ghost town pall that Diaries is sure to employ.

Roth’s Hostel is another primer on what not to do on your summer vacation. When three backpacking bros embark on a European journey, they make every ugly American stereotype a reality – waking locals in the middle of the night, getting kicked out of clubs, frequenting Amsterdam’s smoke shops and Red Light District, even wearing fanny packs. At first, this looks like a sex tourism jaunt, until the guys find themselves kidnapped and brought to a torture dungeon where their bodies are up for sale. Thanks to the backpackers’ bravado and Eastern Bloc meets Western blockhead frisson, Hostel carries much of the atmospheric DNA The Chernobyl Diaries riffs on.

Is The Chernobyl Diaries a mutant genre of its own – and if so, does it have legs? With a lineage of bloody vacations, nuclear aberrations and Cold War chills, Diaries isn’t exactly covering virgin territory. But where Hills and Hostel lay the gore on fast and thick, Peli’s film (directed by Brad Parker) will likely rely more on more measured pacing and obscure threats, ratcheting the tension and keeping audiences as clueless as those stranded Americans. In the interests of taxonomy, let’s call it a psycho-nuclear-Soviet-sojourn film. You tell me. Or hell, cut out the middle-mutant and go to Pripyat yourself.

Andrew Lincoln: Actor

Posted in Films, Hotties, Photos, TEEVee, Trivia with tags , , , , on November 28, 2011 by effingjro

I sometimes forget that the characters in my “stories” have had previous acting jobs. Which means that this adorable Brit:

Went on to become this Georgian corpse-killer:

While we can all agree that Andrew Lincoln is totally dreamy (even if he’s grown a bit skeletal himself since he started his Walking Dead stint) I think after tonight’s episode I’m firmly on Shane’s side – if you’re not busting zombie heads, you clearly have no interest in survival anymore.

Thermal Thoughts

Posted in Photos, Soul-Crushing Materialism, Stylez with tags , , , , on November 19, 2011 by effingjro

High-fashion onesie

This morning I had to take two dogs for a walk when it was 37 degrees. I know that’s not exceptionally cold if you’re Canadian or a penguin, but I could barely get myself out of bed, much less find enough layers to ensure I wouldn’t freeze the second I made it outside. For whatever reason, I get cold way faster than the population at large, and until I can afford winter trips to Cabo, it’s all about thermal shirts and long johns for me. I’ve been scouring stores, and the only real options are the AA thermals, the Uniqlo HeatTech line (oooh, science), or this stunning one-piece Fair Isle contraption from Japan…

(How do you go to the bathroom in this?)

One of the nice things about quitting smoking (I’m on my third week) is that I’m setting aside all the money I would  have spent on cigs, and instead buying something as a reward. So my plan is to buy a pair of long johns for every day of the week, and laugh in the face of the bitter elements.

April joined me for a photoshoot

Say hello to my weekend uniform.

Too Legit (To Update This Blog)

Posted in Advertisements, I do stuff!, Muzak, Pop with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2011 by effingjro

(The best thing to happen this week.)

I’ve been MIA of late, since I’ve started doing a bit of blogging and writing for Out magazine. That’s awesome news for me, but it means I have a lot less time to muse on my own personal favorite things. I’m going to set aside more time for that, but until then, here’s some stuff I put together over the past few weeks (much of which would have ended up on here instead, except with more curse words):

A review of Colson Whitehead’s awesome zombie apocalypse novel, Zone One.

A preview of the prelude to Lady Gaga’s newest music video (very One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest).

A slideshow of the images from Benetton’s new, controversial ad campaign, with lots of world leaders getting kissy kissy.

Shame on you if didn’t see the latest episode of Glee. But if you didn’t, you can read about it here.

A little info on a particularly badass queer graffiti artist.

A slideshow of all the best abs in Immortals (don’t pretend you paid $12 to see anything else except muscles).

An interview with indie punk band Hostage Calm, who got more than 3,000 signatures on their petition to end the gay marriage ban in NY state.

Lots and lots and lots of gay weddings.

Alright, see you soon. Oh, and go to out.com 500 times a day please – gotta keep those numbers UP!

Good Girls Go Mad: John Carpenter’s “The Ward”

Posted in Films, Hotties, Stylez with tags , , , , , , on October 25, 2011 by effingjro

I’ve been curious about Amber Heard for a few months now. She’s gorgeous, and in a Nylon Guys interview she said something interesting: That horror movies are “sometimes the only real platform for a young woman to act. Horror films give you the opportunity to be tough and independent and to fight, to kick, to kill, to cry.”

I get that (I’m only taken seriously when I kick, kill and cry too) so I was excited to see The Ward on Netflix. It’s the first film John Carpenter’s directed in nine years, it stars this kicky blonde girl who thinks she’ll have a platform to act, and it’s set in an insane asylum, which I always find fascinating.

Amber’s character Kristen ends up here after she burns an empty farm house. She arrives at the asylum with no memory of her past, disoriented and surly. Eventually she meets the other girls in the ward. They’re nice enough, but they fit stereotypes so perfectly it starts feeling a little contrived. In this clip you can see Zoey (the nympho), Sarah (the infantile one) and Emily (the kooky tomboy) – and Kristen, who is just kind of pissed off.

The “Alice” everyone’s getting worked up about is a rotting girl-corpse who devises different ways to take out the girls, one by one.

Really, the movie would be better without Alice.

I know that having a ghoul lurking around makes everyone question their sanity in thought-provoking ways, and quick cuts to rotting flesh make for good shocks, but the ghost aspect actually detracts from this film. The best scenes here involve the (living) girls interacting with each other, or the various ways the nurse, attendant and doctor exert their authority and coerce them into submission – there are two great electroshock scenes, one a little deadlier than the other. And when Kirsten has her interviews with the doctor, she does act – and yell and fight – and she doesn’t need a monster to make that happen.

Despite an 11th hour twist (why do screenwriters always add those? to make us watch the movie again) there’s not all that much to recommend The Ward. I love a nice 60s aesthetic, and the actors are good when they get a chance to act, but the story is awfully sparse. Instead of learning more about the inmates, we see them showering with a corpse hiding in the steam. Instead of figuring out whether the attendant is molesting his charges, we see endless creepy pans across the long asylum halls.

You know what? Go watch Halloween, and then watch Girl, Interrupted. That way you’ll see two good movies instead of a mediocre one.

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